Monday, July 28, 2008
Please educate your children
Over the years I’ve come to terms with the fact that the Texas education system pretty much sucks. I’m sure other states have this problem as well, but it seems like while many are trying to correct the problem, Texas continues to pile more and more bullshit into the curriculum which leaves less time for the fundamentals.
I met a young elementary school teacher that happened to her course curriculum binder in her car. After looking through it I realized that about a third of what she was teaching actually belonged in the classroom, the rest belonged in the home. Things such as racial tolerance, family values, self-esteem, and on and on.
Because of all this, I end up bumping into people like Tom. One of my favorite things to do after playing golf or hitting balls on the range is to cool off with a slushie, icee or some other frozen concoction. This weekend I found myself at the corner store for this treat. It had been especially hot and I was very thirsty. Instead of using one of the smaller slushie cups I grabbed one of the 64oz. drink cups and filled it with my frozen treat. This is where things went stupid.
I walked up to Tom and things went something like this.
Me: That’s a slush not a soda. (I say this because soda is cheaper and I didn’t want to rip anyone off.)
Tom: I’m sorry, we don’t sell 64oz. slushes.
Me: I know there are no 64oz. slushie cups but can’t you just charge me double the prize of a 32oz. slushie.
Tom: I don’t know how to do that sir. There’s no item on my register for a 64oz. slush.
Me: Can’t you just double the price of the 32oz slush and put it under fountain drinks?
Tom: Let’s see. Hmm. $1.39 times two would be about $3.00 plus tax.
Me: (light bulb) Hey, you have a button to ring up a 32oz. slush right?
Tom: Yep, but that’s not a…. (I cut him off)
Me: Let’s pretend I bought two 32oz slushes. Can you ring up two 32oz slushes?
Tom: I sure can. Are you sure you want to pay for two? That comes out to more than 64oz.
Me: Call me weird but I’ll pay for the two slushes.
Tom: Must be nice to have money to burn, they don’t pay us hardly nothing here.
Me: Thanks Tom. Oh are you going to be here tomorrow night? No? Thanks, I’ll be back.
Posted by deadscot on 28 Jul, 2008 at 20:19Just Plain Stupid • (0) Comments • Permalink
Monday, July 14, 2008
Hell hath no fury like a Texan in a pickup
In the past, I may have mentioned a time or two how maniacal the drivers in San Antonio are. We have two loops of highways which encompass the city and I refer to them as the junior and amateur circuit for NASCAR.
Also, folks down here are hell bent on driving pickup trucks that dwarf the modern car while barely squeezing into one lane. One would think that the price of gas would curb their enthusiasm, but that would border on being unpatriotic.
That brings me to this morning. I had an early appointment this morning and chose to take my motorcycle before the temperature reached 200 and also to save some gas. A little background, I ride a Yamaha R1 (1000) race-bike that is capable of accelerating from 0 to 100 and back to 0 in under 10 seconds. Sometimes faster if you hit something solid.
While cruising home around 80mph a rather large pickup apparently took notice that I was speeding and invoked his Texas born right to cut me off in an effort to slow me down. Being the easy going person I am, I swerved around him to pass on the right. This is what kills me, or almost did. The pickemup truck driver swerves back into the right lane in an attempt to ride me into the guardrail. I mentioned that 0-100 part right? I lit up the bike and squeezed between him and the next car.
Now I’m pissed and seeking a little vengeance. I slowed down and pulled back in front of the pickup and slowed down to about 35. He’s now honking and flipping me the bird while I’m just keeping his eye on his bumper. Now comes the fun part. He goes to pull around me and I pull out in front of him and begin accelerating. He’s chasing me and I can’t believe leave it. I take it up to 105 and he’s sill trying to stick with me. This went on for nearly 20 miles. About a mile before my exit I kicked it up to around 140 and easily lost him but I imagine I could have found him at the next gas station cursing me and the gas prices.
At 100 mph I would imagine that a V8 pickup gets about 4-6 MPG while the bike is just breathing nicely at 100 and getting close to 40 MPG.
As an aside, I don’t mess with drivers that aren’t out to kill me through stupidity or their own intentions. I’m very respectful of motorists but God help you when you piss me off.
Posted by deadscot on 14 Jul, 2008 at 17:53Personal • (0) Comments • Permalink
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Man sues for a chance to win the lottery
Let’s forget for a moment that playing any state lottery game is very much like flushing the money down the toilet. Even if you can pacify yourself with the notion that it benefits the educations system, you’d be gravely mistaken. The odds on winning any of the larger prizes in a state lotto or scratch off are roughly 1000 times worse than winning big in Vegas, and Vegas casinos take in big money.
All that aside, a professor in Virginia went ahead and purchased a $5 scratch off ticket only to discover afterward that all of the top prizes had been award. He’s now filed suit against the state claiming deceptive polices because the advertised winning value of the ticket was already paid out and there was absolutely no chance that his purchasing a ticket could have netted any of the larger prizes.
The professors lawsuit has become a class action suit on behalf of all Virginia lottery players for the past five years and seeks $85 million in damages.
Not surprisingly, this practice of continuing to sell tickets after prizes have been awarded is pretty much a standard practice in the state gaming racket.
The practice among state lotteries is widespread, said Rob Carey, an attorney who has filed similar challenges in Arizona, California, Colorado and Washington state.
“It’s flat-out false. It’s deceptive,“ he said. “They all play for the grand prize.“
In New Jersey, for instance, no top prizes remain for an 8-month-old game, $1 million Explosion, but Lottery spokesman Dominick DeMarco said he was unaware of any similar lawsuits in that state.
Virginia Lottery Director Paula Otto said Monday she had not seen Hoover’s lawsuit, but that policies were being updated to ensure that top prizes were available for all games.
Hoover’s action said the problem arose in popular games, in which the Lottery issued new shipments of tickets but did not tell retailers to pull tickets from old shipments when all the top prizes were awarded. As a result, the lawsuit said, tickets with no chance of winning a game’s top prize were sold. Source: Lottery Post News
I agree with the premise that no one plays a $5.00 scratch-off game to win 20 bucks. At the same time I can see the state’s need to recoup the monies spent of printing tickets and advertising a particular game. If the winning ticket sold on the first day should the state eat the cost?
Since playing the lottery is basically another way to tax the poor I feel that some measure should be in place to protect the wild dreaming and feeble minded. No lawsuit needs to be brought, just a simple adjustment within the states operating procedure. Once a top prize has been awarded for a particular game, a notice should be placed on the advert of said game stating what the new available winnings can be.
Most tickets have a disclaimer on the back stating that the prizes offered may have already been awarded but who really reads that? My decisions is that the state award the professor a full $5.00 refund and pay for his court fees. All states have websites than be checked to see what prizes have been awarded and store owners have access to this information as well. You’re gambling and if you’re not willing to educate yourself on the risks than be prepared to suffer the loss.
Posted by deadscot on 09 Jul, 2008 at 18:22Random Turds • (0) Comments • Permalink
Monday, June 30, 2008
Our quirky history of independence
Each year Americans around the world stop what they’re doing, fire up barbecues, chill beer and launch combustible objects into the sky. I would venture a guess that the celebration of the country’s independence is probably one of the most participated holidays. As with most holidays, we’re more wrapped up in the celebration than the ‘why’. During this time of year I too get a bit nostalgic and read back over some of the letters of our founding fathers, the declaration itself and the constitution. Very interesting stuff. It shows me that democracy is not a static entity; it also shows how far we’ve come and it also is a great demonstrator of the repitition of history.
I’m not going to focus on this one issue, but this part form the declaration always makes me chuckle and reminds that some truths may not be as self evident as they might seem.
We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.
I could spend two entries on that portion alone. What I really want to point out are the ‘Indictments’, or the things which we sought independence from. One thing interestingly absent from this list is religious oppression.
Here, in it’s entirety are the indictments in common language.
He has refused his Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.
He has forbidden his Governors to pass Laws of immediate and pressing importance, unless suspended in their operation till his Assent should be obtained; and when so suspended, he has utterly neglected to attend to them.
He has refused to pass other Laws for the accommodation of large districts of people, unless those people would relinquish the right of Representation in the Legislature, a right inestimable to them and formidable to tyrants only.
He has called together legislative bodies at places unusual, uncomfortable, and distant from the depository of their Public Records, for the sole purpose of fatiguing them into compliance with his measures.
He has dissolved Representative Houses repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness of his invasions on the rights of the people.
He has refused for a long time, after such dissolutions, to cause others to be elected, whereby the Legislative Powers, incapable of Annihilation, have returned to the People at large for their exercise; the State remaining in the mean time exposed to all the dangers of invasion from without, and convulsions within.
He has endeavoured to prevent the population of these States; for that purpose obstructing the Laws for Naturalization of Foreigners; refusing to pass others to encourage their migrations hither, and raising the conditions of new Appropriations of Lands.
He has obstructed the Administration of Justice by refusing his Assent to Laws for establishing Judiciary Powers.
He has made Judges dependent on his Will alone for the tenure of their offices, and the amount and payment of their salaries.
He has erected a multitude of New Offices, and sent hither swarms of Officers to harass our people and eat out their substance.
He has kept among us, in times of peace, Standing Armies without the Consent of our legislatures.
He has affected to render the Military independent of and superior to the Civil Power.
He has combined with others to subject us to a jurisdiction foreign to our constitution, and unacknowledged by our laws; giving his Assent to their Acts of pretended Legislation:
For quartering large bodies of armed troops among us:
For protecting them, by a mock Trial from punishment for any Murders which they should commit on the Inhabitants of these States:
For cutting off our Trade with all parts of the world:
For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent:
For depriving us in many cases, of the benefit of Trial by Jury:
For transporting us beyond Seas to be tried for pretended offences:
For abolishing the free System of English Laws in a neighbouring Province, establishing therein an Arbitrary government, and enlarging its Boundaries so as to render it at once an example and fit instrument for introducing the same absolute rule into these Colonies
For taking away our Charters, abolishing our most valuable Laws and altering fundamentally the Forms of our Governments:
For suspending our own Legislatures, and declaring themselves invested with power to legislate for us in all cases whatsoever.
He has abdicated Government here, by declaring us out of his Protection and waging War against us.
He has plundered our seas, ravaged our coasts, burnt our towns, and destroyed the lives of our people.
He is at this time transporting large Armies of foreign Mercenaries to compleat the works of death, desolation, and tyranny, already begun with circumstances of Cruelty & Perfidy scarcely paralleled in the most barbarous ages, and totally unworthy the Head of a civilized nation.
He has constrained our fellow Citizens taken Captive on the high Seas to bear Arms against their Country, to become the executioners of their friends and Brethren, or to fall themselves by their Hands.
He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.
In every stage of these Oppressions We have Petitioned for Redress in the most humble terms: Our repeated Petitions have been answered only by repeated injury. A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.
It is amazing how history repeats itself.
Posted by deadscot on 30 Jun, 2008 at 13:51Politics • (0) Comments • Permalink
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Not feeling warm and cuddly
In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University . On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant’ s foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen-aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, and then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn’t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage; climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.
Probably wasn’t the same elephant.
This is for all of my friends who send me those heart-warming stories.
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Sunday, June 22, 2008
Very surprised there weren’t contempt charges
Sydney, Australia—A judge halted a drug conspiracy trial Tuesday after some jurors were found to have been playing the puzzle game Sudoku while evidence was being given.
Sydney District Court Judge Peter Zahra ended the trial Tuesday for two men facing a possible life sentence for drug conspiracy charges. The trial had been running for 66 days and had cost taxpayers an estimated $950,000.
The judge was alerted after jurors were observed writing vertically, rather than horizontally. It had been assumed they were taking notes.
“Yes, it helps me keep my mind busy paying more attention,“ the jury foreman told the judge Tuesday. “Some of the evidence is rather drawn out and I find it difficult to maintain my attention the whole time, and that doesn’t distract me too much from proceedings.“Jurors in the trial are anonymous, and no action can be taken against them for the puzzle playing.
The foreman admitted to the judge four to five jurors were playing puzzle games for up to half the time the trial had been going.
“Jurors are sort of the judges of the facts and it’s very disappointing they weren’t giving our clients a fair trial,“ said Robyn Hakelis, a lawyer for one of the defendants.
A new trial is expected to begin in a few weeks.
I would hope we have a little stricter laws regarding jurors in the US.
Posted by deadscot on 22 Jun, 2008 at 23:39Random Turds • (0) Comments • Permalink
Friday, June 20, 2008
The Cake of Death Cometh
Apparently my Uncle felt I was a little homesick, or maybe he just missed me from my visit a couple of weeks ago. Who knows how the minds of the elderly work, only that whatever they do they seem to do from the heart and for that I love him. So today, in his own loving way, he sent me a Cake of Death.
Over the course of his 81 years, my Uncle has learned to cook two things to absolute perfection every time: barbecue pork ribs and a pound cake (henceforth known as the Cake of Death).
It should be noted that my Uncle and I, along with many of you Texans, have this thing we need to monitor called ‘blood sugar’. Cake of any sort is not appreciated by our bodies and the Cake of Death, well, let’s just say it should inflict a diabetic coma well before the taste leaves your mouth.
The Cake of Death isn’t very large, it’s made in a bundt cake pan. Here are some the evil angels it employs to make it delectable and deadly:
Six sticks of butter
2 cups of sweet cream
Six cups of sugar
1/2 cup Karo syrup (something has to hold it together)
1 pound of cream cheese.
Lemon juice and I’m sure there’s some flour in there.
This cake is made for one purpose and one purpose alone, to induce cardiac arrest or diabetic coma. The taste is so rich and creamy that one can’t help but eat as much as possible in one sitting. I gave half my cake to the neighbors and their kids didn’t even get a taste.
Anyway, the cake sure was good and if you don’t hear from me for awhile, you’ll all know what happened.
Posted by deadscot on 20 Jun, 2008 at 18:02Personal • (2) Comments • Permalink
Thursday, June 19, 2008
As the Texas furnace begins to crank up
Things you learn from the Texas heat. Inspired by Elwed’s comment of frying an egg and lifted from the about Phoenix website.
- the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
- the potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
- farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
- the cows are giving evaporated milk.
- the trees are whistling for the dogs.
- you no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water.
- you can say 113 degrees without fainting.
- you eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
- you can make instant sun tea.
- you learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
- the temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
- you’ve experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
- you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.
- The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
- you discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
- you notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.
- hot water now comes out of both taps.
- it’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is out on the streets.
- you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
- your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?“
- you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
- a sad Texan once prayed, “I wish it would rain - not so much for me, cuz I’ve seen it—but for my 7-year-old.“
(1) Comments • Permalink
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
San Antonio Professor plays the stupid card
Last year a professor at The University of Texas San Antonio was caught viewing pornography in the comfort of his office. He was basically nabbed as an unsuspecting graduate overheard moans of pleasure emanating from the office. Before he was suspended he deleted hundreds of files and destroyed other evidence. To this day the man still has a job. This is all because of the beauty of academia and good deal of word play.
Following his suspension, professor Ayers claimed that he was doing research on accessibility to porn to minors. Apparently a very exciting research project. So exciting in fact that he failed to secure the necessary permission before launching tax-payer funded computer into the world wide web of porn. Given the amount of files deleted there seems to have been quite a bit of in-depth research going on.
Since Ayers is tenured he was allowed a hearing after which he was to be terminated. A panel of his peers found otherwise and had him reinstated on suspension. Their reason? These extremely well educated people have come to the conclusion that the good professor’s free speech rights were violated and he was within the guidelines of the school’s computer use policy.
In a May 6 letter to UT regents, the five-member faculty tribunal acknowledged that UTSA’s computer use policy banned accessing “obscene” materials. But because Ayers’ termination letter accused him of accessing “sexually explicit” materials, the policy didn’t apply, the tribunal reasoned.
“If the intent is to regard accessing sexually explicit Web sites as improper, then the policy should clearly state that,” the tribunal wrote.
Just to add insult to injury, Ayers’ attorney went on to basically label the school officials ignorant and the small sleepy town of 1.4 million as backward.
Maldonado, Ayers’ lawyer, said the professor didn’t tell anyone about his research because he was embarrassed.
“This is in many ways still a fairly small town,” Maldonado said. “He didn’t feel comfortable that it would be accepted, even in an academic institution.”
Puleez. Cry me a river. A tenured professor makes enough to surf all the porn he wants on his own computer and the fact that he’s tenured shouldn’t separate him from the other professors and administrators that have gotten the boot for the same thing.
Posted by deadscot on 17 Jun, 2008 at 14:16
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Saturday, June 14, 2008
Oil’s dirty little secret
We’ve all sat around over the past year and watched gasoline prices skyrocket. There has been much ballyhoo as to how to stave off the rise but little of it makes sense to me.
I believe that moving away from international dependence on oil is and inherently good thing, what I don’t believe is that it will have any discernible impact on oil prices.
Many people blame the green lobby for not allowing oil to be tapped in the Anwar province. Some blame OPEC for excessive profits. There are even some that believe that taxation of oil company windfall profits will drive the prices down.
All of them are dead wrong.
On a daily basis there are some 7 million barrels of oil pumped from within the United States. US oil consumption dropped over the course of the past year to 20.7 million barrels. To help with the math, over one third of the oil needed to support this country is already being produced by this country.
Here’s the kicker, oil pumped from US oil fields is being sold for roughly $1.70 less a barrel ($133) than those mean old Arabs are selling it for($135). Remember, US demand for oil has dropped so
internal
supply and demand isn’t a factor.
The way I see it there are a few major factors. Other developing countries are willing to pay top dollar, oil is a finite resource controlled by a mere handful, and with it being a finite resource they can pretty much charge whatever the market will bear.
Drilling in more locations in the US won’t reduce the cost of oil because the same countries competing for that oil will continue to compete and American capitalism will prevail. That, and US oil companies have already capitalized on the greed factor and if they’re not going to sell US produced oil any cheaper now, what makes anyone that will change. The only thing that can possibly be accomplished is our lack of dependence on foreign oil and more money going into US held companies.
The real answer? How about a realistic energy plan that weans us off of a finite resource and puts on a realistic path toward sustainable energy.
The next time your at the pump, don’t get mad at the Arabs, we’re getting screwed right in our backyard.
Sources: OPEC Changes Oil Forecast
All American Crude Oil Pricelist
Increasing American Production to Reduce Oil Prices
Posted by deadscot on 14 Jun, 2008 at 22:23Random Turds • (2) Comments • Permalink
Friday, June 13, 2008
It’s been a heck of a year
Well, it’s good to be back. After much consternation I’ve decided to keep SIMU up and running, that and some friendly poking and prodding from Elwed inquiring as to what was going on with the site. It’s nice to have friends to give you a wake up call now and then thus forcing you back into reality and out of the mystical funk we sometimes find ourselves in.
The past year has been somewhat of a tragic comedy and I’ll share some of the lowlights here and hopefully dispel any rumors that I’ve lost my mind. That may be a tough one to prove.
Last September I signed a contract to migrate some 1300 SQL databases from San Antonio to North Carolina for one of larger banking institutions. The workload initially took me away but then in November my mom passed away. As tragic as it was, it was truly a celebration of her long and happy life. Upon my return home I discovered my older cat had become quite ill and was needing a lot of extra care that I really wasn’t in to. I shit you not, that same week I found out I had lymphoma as would be undergoing a series of radiation treatments following the new year. My girlfriend and I broke up about 10 times, dad got divorced and my A/C unit gave up the ghost.
About this time I had forgotten that I even had a blog which is funny because in the past the two things I’ve always done to relieve stress is blog and play golf. Oh, I failed to mention that I developed some weird hip pointer (I still think the Dr. was making things up) which prohibited any golf playing.
I can look back at everything now and smile and even laugh. Nothing was as bad as it appeared on the surface. My mom was 93, my cat’s 11, the lymphoma treatment was painless and successful, I finished the contract early and got a hefty bonus, the A/C was under warranty and fixed within 12 hours, the hip pointer got better with time off and the girlfriend and I are still fighting every chance we get. Putting things back into perspective it wasn’t nearly as bad of a year as I felt at the time.
Posted by deadscot on 13 Jun, 2008 at 10:53(1) Comments • Permalink
True Story
Kentucky man buys swimming pool for kids. Man fails to put sunscreen on kids while they play in pool. Kid gets sunburn. Man takes him to the emergency room. Man arrested for child neglect, jailed and charged a $7500 fine.
Kentucky Man jailed for child neglect
Sheesh, if laws were this strict when I was growing up, my folks would be serving life in prison.
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